We live in an era where we can embrace an abundance of choices that weren’t always available to us. The internet has made it possible for us to connect with people all over the world. This new level of consciousness has also trickled into the realm of dating. We have all sorts of new relationships structures…however although we’ve embrace new levels of consciousness, we always find ways to avoid responsibility.
Simply put, we want to have our cake and eat it too!
We want the benefits of a relationship without the struggles of a relationship. I hear people all the time saying they want a friend with benefits or something with no strings attached. Sure we want the intimacy and the dating but heaven forbid catching feelings. EEK! We don’t want to deal with the messiness of feelings. Falling in love, being heart broken etc, who has time for that?! The truth is, we really just don’t want to face our own crap. We run from relationships because we run from ourselves. Sometimes on those long weekend nights, we want something warm to come home to. It gets lonely, I know. Temporary satisfaction feels good but then we go right back to feeling lonely.
Being single is rather easy. We can live in our own neat little bubble and never have to worry about it bursting. The only person we deal with is the person we perceive ourselves to be. Let’s face it, most of the time we’re not honest with ourselves. We don’t want to acknowledge the darker aspects of who we are so we convince ourselves that there are no aspects of who we are that are deemed less than acceptable.
Relationships show us who we truly are. Our partners mirror those things we set aside and probably forgot was even there. All of our baggage gets brought to the surface for us to deal with. Most of the time when faced with this conflict, we blame our partner. We say it’s their baggage, they have the issues not us. When we’re single we don’t have to deal with any of that and it’s easy. We can dabble in it, (i.e. Intimacy) but because we are technically still single, we can hop right back out of it when it gets too messy. As physical beings we want to experience pleasure but we don’t want to own up to the things we open up by experiencing pleasure.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some people who truly don’t want a relationship and would rather have relations than to relate. You’ve seen the first type, most people label them as dogs and whores. They simply stand firmly in their truth, there’s no shame in their game and they won’t have to tell you twice about. I’m not speaking about those people. The people I’m speaking about know who they are, they are the people end up feeling hurt by the first type. Those who are afraid to relate and settle for relations. Those who deeply, spiritually want more but when things get rocky they get scared and run. They try to present themselves as the first type but end up failing miserably. Why? Because they shut down their feelings in hopes of having a no strings attached situation and it backfires.
Relating to others is one of the greatest opportunities for evolving. We get to truly see ourselves but unlike when we’re single, we actually have someone who can and will call us out on our b.s. We can’t just run and hide. It’s easy living in our own bubble but in that, we will never truly grow.
Playing the fence will always end up in discomfort.
With Love, LH